Saturday, 29 March 2008

U-G-L-Y You Ain't Got No Alibi You Ugleh!

Said Joanne, my beautiful ladywife to me one morning. That's not strictly true, but I am pretty ugly. So i decided to try this thing I saw on American Psycho. It's something girls do. Imagine my delight when I found out I could buy one for a mere 98p from Asda, and it's a mans one. I guess that just means it's got more in it because we have bigger faces.

Remember at school when you put glue over your hand, waited for it to dry, then peeled it off pretending it was skin? This is the same except you are allowed to do it. It would take about 30 sachets to cover your whole body (in Joannes estimation).

1. Open Packet of purple man cream N/H



















2. Apply to face, become shiny, wait 20 mins while looking thoughtful. Don't move.














3. Stand in front of large (dirty) hallway mirror.















4. Start Peeling!














5. Take your time. Try and get it on one piece, like after bad sunburn. (you can't eat if after though).















6. Pull it around a bit while wifey takes pictures.




















7. Show all the dead skin stuck to glue.



















8. Have a tanned face in the mirror- continue to peel















9. Make a funny skin/glue hood















10. Put in the scary eyes. Wash before use. Don't share with others.















11. Look dashing with a beard and contemplate keeping on face for a day or 2



















12. Complete removal of glue















13. Get the bits you missed (try not to get it stuck in your eyebrows because that hurts getting it off.)















14. Triumphantly display first successful facial peel and stroke clean face.
















15. (not pictured) Wrap up in a warm blanket, watch dancing and boybands on Youtube for 2 hours while eating jellybeans.


I never said I was Rock and Roll!

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

A whole load of no handers

Hey you Guuuyysss!

First of all, you may have read on here a few months back that i did some pics for Mankind rider Martyn Cooper, through Zeal for an ad. Well at last one of them made it in to a mag, I believe it is a full page, in the next Ride UK. Stoked. I haven't seen it in reality yet, but it should look like this...























Also, in other non related news, I have another pic of Dayson from sheep hills. I can't really put it in the proper gallery bit... But why? I hear you ask.....Just keep looking, you'll figure it out....























LOL out loud.

Friday, 7 March 2008

Some new pics

I stuck up a couple more artfaggy pcs in the Dero, Travel and People sections.

Friday, 29 February 2008

Kaliphornia!

Hello.

I've just got back from 10 days in Cali so I thought I'd do a little trip report type thing seeing as i never write stuff any more.

Basically Me, Dayson, Haggler and Mayo went over to see Arrash to ride bikes and have some fun in the sun. The idea was to go and ride all the brill spots that Arrash rides, go to S&M to see bikes being made, and visit all the famous riding spots that we've seen in videos over the past 10 years. As it turned out all did not go perfectly according to plan.

For a start Arrash had to work the whole week, unexpectedly for him and unfortunate for us. Then there was the weather. While the week started off very promisingly indeed, with lovely twentysomething degreeses and enough sun to get some colour on my milky complexion, it eventually turned a bit grey and drizzly, writing off at least 3 whole days of riding.

So day one, or should I say day -1, seeing as we had literally got there, dumped our bags and gone straight out, turned out to be fairly eventful. As some of you may know Haggler has had long messy hair now for a while. He never washes it and there was a KFC stuck in there for three weeks before he realised. The smell was pretty bad and it wasn't until he found a rat nibbling at the chicken bones while he slept that he even knew it was there. Anyway we all got pissed and Arrash made him take it all off. Then after they had finished he got the clippers and shaved Hags glorious locks. Matt (an old friend of Hag and Arash) briefly tried to talk him out of it, then ended up with the same treatment. All the while the sound track to Romper Stomper played on a loop. Observe.












































Then we chilled for a bit and then dragged dayson out from his sleepy hole.



























The following day we went and picked mayo up and went to some concrete parks where i got a couple of pics of Arrash doing a lovely onefoot downtable over the hip, but not before riding Snoop Doggs old high school in Ling Beach. That's right kids, Snoopy Dee Oh Double Gizzle's old High Schizzle Biatch!. On Monday we went to Huntington Beach where mayo made friends with a mad old lady which was fun. Nice and warm, I got a good base tan. Then we went to Sheep Hills where Dayson did a good few jumps.






























I think the next day we rode some drainage ditches. I can't remember, i may have a load of stuff in the wrong order, but anyway we still went there. The first one was a mission trying to find, and we weren't supposed to be in there, and when we finally got in there it was wet, but Dayson and Hag got a wallride or 2 in each. We didn't stay long and instead went to Santa Ana Banks. It was pretty cool there, it's a HUGE drainage ditch with massive bank to wallrides there. There's loads of clips in Etnies Forward of that place. So we did some wallrides, and some manuals, and laughed at this mental tramp who thought we were trying to hurt his kid (actually it was his dog, but he kept referring to it as his kid) He was quite animated, he was going on and on like a broken record, saying we were spawn of Satan or something, and ending every sentence with "Asshole" "Dipshit" "Jerkoff" "Loser" and other related insults. I told him his kid had a limp. Mayo thought he was going to shoot us. We had time to take some amazing group pics before we had to go and get Roy the Boy from LAX.































We had a good booze up that night. Mayo did something amazing which i'm not allowed to post up on here, We only had eggs and booze in the fridge, Haggler rolled a snooty roach (in fact he rolled 2 snooty roaches, by pure coincidence) and Roy built a small piece of England to sleep in. Mustang.





































I think the next day was raining so we went to Hollywood. We drove right up to the sign and took some pics. I made it look like mayo was pushing it in to Hags mouth. It wasn't funny. Then we went on to Hollywood Blvd which was mainly off limits due to the Oscars preparations. We saw a lunar eclipse, R2D2's foot prints in the floor, some Scientologsts trying to brainwash the public with a free stress test (where as soon as you sit at their table a big actor jumps out and puts you in a sack then takes you to a cinema like in A Clockwork Orange and subjects you to brainwashing images of Tom Cruise and some other famous scientologists), and a rapper dude who stitched us right up by selling us his 'album' which only had 1 track on it. It was only $3, but it's the principle of the matter. He'll probably spend that on smack.






















































I think the next day might have been raining too, or it might not, but one of the days we went on a drive to try and reach a road called the 138. It was quite a fun jaunt, we ended up going up some big windy roads and saw some massive dam with a huge chute for the water which we discussed riding down for ages, as to whether it would be possible and what would happen if you did. A bit further up the road we got out to check out this road which had been washed away and played around by the river. Mayo was looking for snakes and we got really wet. We never got to the 138 because the road was closed, so we walked up a hill instead. It was cool, there was a good view and Dayson slid down the side a got a big rock up his arse.


































































































I can't really remember what went on between then and going home, we rode a bit, we got drunk with Arrashs mates band who are all funny and hairy (apart from Ace who is not hairy, but he is funny and Chinese or something). We went to a club and got drunk then came back to the house and everyone wrestled. It was well alpha. We rode home all piled in this van all on top of each other. Dayson bought a pasty which we took off him and chewed up without tearing the wrapper, so it was all mush inside. I called up Gina, an old flame. A really old flame. She couldn't bring the Mustang over. Mayo was gutted.


























































































On the final day the weather was good, then it went shit so we went to see Grotbags in his pub. I saw Todd Lyons there, I was stoked. I was also stoked on the orange early twentys year old guy with massive guns and a ridiculous plastic surgery face. And I was even more stoked when he started driving round in his Lambo, doing circuits with the window down. He looked pretty much into himself. I bet he's got a small dick. It dried up eventually so we went to se Hidden Valley trails but couldn't ride, then went to ride the Civic Ctr, another well famous video spot. I wanted to do this rail really badly, but we go kicked out before i could do it. I was gutted because I just wanted to do something good before I had to come home. After Civic we visited UCI, a college which features a lot in Nowhere Fast. Straight away there's this massive rail in front of us. I couldn't leave it because I would have regretted it so after a few bitch runs i went down it. i nearly got it first go but didn't come off the kink. i got a snake bite before i pulled it properly so i was a bit gutted, then suddenly my tire just stopped deflating. I seized the moment and got it after 2 more goes. dayson got a pic which I'm stoked on, proper scary like. That college is amazing, ledges, rails, grind blocks, gaps the whole lot. Haggler hopped up a loading bay using a 1 inch high kicker. Only he could do that. Dayson and Arrash were eyeing up a rail gap of death but chose to leave it seeing as the landing was really wet and steep. Probably for the best.














So the next day Me and Dayson had to go home. despite the rain it was still a really fun trip. Always fun to hang out with Arrash-cheers for the sofa! and everyone else. Next time I go back i just hope the weather is a bit better!



























Cheers for the fun times chaps!

Duncan

Sunday, 10 February 2008

Updates

I have stuck up a couple of new pics from the last few weeks, mostly of hag and dayson. I'm stoked on the one of Dayson boosting the flatbank. Also I have put a couple more pics in the dero section.

The BMX pics page was getting a bit full so I have added an archive link to that with the older pics on there.

Finally, i have added a link to the old i3mx.com Blog page, so you can look through the old archives and see what the Farnborough scene used to look like before people started wearing their sisters clothes.

That is all.